it wasn't lemon gatorade
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
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