I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
