Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
