just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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