Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
