Pregnant stripper...not hot.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
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