and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Randomize
