So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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