sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
