Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Randomize
