Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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