Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
