my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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