ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
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