Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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