dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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