Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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