Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Randomize