You made me cry and you don't even care
Non-Jews are for practice
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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