OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
NoShamevember. You game?
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
