you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
