Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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