farters have to be the big spoon...
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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