I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
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