I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Randomize
