Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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