If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Randomize
