I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Randomize
