Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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