Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
