Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize
