Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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