Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Randomize
