I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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