somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
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