sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I lost the right to judge tonight
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Randomize
