my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
