He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
She's the barista slut.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
