Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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