I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
