You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Randomize
