So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
