Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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