puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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