I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
