how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
My life is pants optional.
Randomize
