We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
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