i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
