Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
