I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
