So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
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