If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
