you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Boobs are out for the taking
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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