he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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