you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
