i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
