Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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