someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
There r osticjed everywhere
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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