o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Randomize
