I think my fart just growled at me.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
