So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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