I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I just want to make out with him forever
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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