brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
