DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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