This girl is more easily done than said...
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
