There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
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