If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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