im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
