i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
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