i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
It's just like the Real World with babies
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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