I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Randomize
