so explain again why im purple
no
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
i just sent this text using only my big toe
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Randomize
