so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
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