end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Randomize
