Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
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