He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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