that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
