In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
