Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize
