You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Randomize