So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Randomize
