it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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